Trust us, we know the headline is a bit daring, but here at The Sunnyside Instigator, we believe that good journalism demands some degree of the subversive or transgressive.
So picture this, right– it’s a gorgeous sunny day, maybe 80-some degrees. Sun is shining, birds are chirping and all that jazz. What are you going to reach for? Your scratchy wool overcoat or fleece-lined turtleneck? Surely not– you’d melt right through your thermal long-johns and into your snowshoes! Our newly recruited ‘Fashion Analysis Ground Squad’ (Acronym Redacted) have taken to the streets to observe some of the latest trends, working tirelessly to bring you, Dear Reader, the best new tips and tricks to survive in the land of the good-ish-looking.
This summer, unlike any before it, bears the inclusion of a brand-spankin’-new article of clothing. Behold, the “T-Shirt”. Revolutionary as let’s say, sliced bread, perhaps– ring a bell? It sure-as-hell should, cause buddy, get ready to get your world thoroughly rocked, in a major goddamn way. This Bad-Mama-Jama sports a lightness that’s frankly downright unfindable on this side of the Mason-Dixon. But that’s not all, you just simply wouldn’t believe the variety that these suckers come in– each and every color your sorry ass could ever hope to imagine, plus, sometimes even graphics! You can opt for the garden variety quote-type– i.e., “I paused my game to be here”, “Legalize Cocaine”, or even “Yes! I’m a dumb-fuck girlfriend, but not yours– I am the property of a freaking JUNKIE boyfriend. He’s a bit crazy & hung like a cold flea, but he is a perfect mixture of percocet and newports. I hate him & he is my whole world. Mess with me– the beast in him will awake & he will fight a fuel attendant naked. [yes, he bought me this shirt]”. The third option being a perfect all-rounder fit for any occasion, obviously.
And don’t worry if you’re more of an artsy type– you’ve got options. Our Fashion Analysis Ground Squad (Acronym Redacted) have spotted band logos, famous works of art, and even two guys kisisng, sitting loud and proud on the abdominal regions of various passerbys. The unrelenting frequency in which this bold new style can be found has assured us that this will be “The Summer of the T-Shirt”. Hop on the gravy train before it’s too late, folks– you never know when a fad will start to fade!