After a strenuous battle last night at the Hard Rock Stadium in Miami Gardens Florida, the Indiana University Hoosiers prevailed victorious over the Miami Hurricanes in a 27-21 victory. This marks not only the first time that IU has claimed the national college football championship title, but also the first time a college team has managed to finish a season with a perfect 16-0 record.
As for the question that everyone is logically asking at this point, the answer is yes! Or should I say, yes ☹️; last nights game does unfortunately seal WVU’s fate for the 2025 -2026 season, and marks the 157th consecutive college football championship of which the Mountaineers will not take home the trophy. Many believed that perhaps Miami would be found out to be in fragrant violation of some niche ruleset, given that their quarterback is a super-duper sixth year senior, who has admitted, under zero pressure, that he has not attended any classes in at least two years, and that the WVU Football Team would, in some bizarre twist of fate, roll out of the tunnels prepared to show the Hoosiers some real gawd dang Mountaineer Football.
Several WVU fans, kitted in their traditional gold and blue, could be seen, binoculars in hand, both at recent playoff games and last nights championship, eyeing the tunnels, sidelines, and locker rooms, to see if the mountaineers were secretly away somewhere, awaiting their chance to claim rightful victory. Alas dear reader, I must report to you, rather morosely, they were not.
But things aren’t all so glum as they may seem, my sweet summer child! Wipe that frown and also spittle off of your face. Consider our slightly used but like new coach Rich Rodriguez, who, after what many claim was a “rebuild year”, and now accompanied by a sparkling new set of transfers and recruits, could lead the Mountaineer fans and football team to their first natty. In fact, if I were a betting man, I would sell most of my Earthly possessions; houses, cars, small children, (who are, lets face it, basically jetsam anyways) and place every god damn last cent on the mountaineers. After this I would write a strongly worded letter to Rodriguez and his surrounding coaching staff, informing them that if they do not claim for us the title, I would unfortunately have to kill myself. Perhaps that would be all the motivation they need.
However, dear reader, I have a strong inclination to believe that in a years time, I may see you right back here , reading these very words, locking eyes with you once again in a vaguely romantic and standoffish style. Until then…
